Reasons Why You're Not Reaching Orgasm and Why

Ladies, it is no secret that it’s much harder for us to reach the state of orgasm then it is for men. What works for one woman will not necessarily work for another because we are all different and that is ok! However, when you are gossiping to your friends saying “he can’t make me cum” it is important to acknowledge that 90% of the time the reason you’re not orgasming is generally on you. There is so many reasons why you might not be able to reach that point during sex.

Stop Criticising Yourself

One reason why women can’t orgasm is due to a poor self-image. Many women are too harsh and self-criticising to relax completely and accept the buildup of sexual excitement. Due to this, during sex your mind is doing over time trying to hide your insecurities and trying to position your body in slimming and sexy positions to make you seem ‘more appealing’. Ladies! It is time to stop these inner voices. They disconnect your mind from your body and stop the arousal cycle from building up the sexual tensions needed to reach orgasm. The most common insecurities are the size of breasts and bums, your weight and stomach and vaginal insecurities.

To overcome this, ridding your mind of negative thoughts is the first step. You need to learn to love yourself for who you are! Accept every perfection and flaw on your body as your own and regain that confidence you lost. Recognise that your partner loves you for whatever your body type is and let go of them negative feelings.

Get to Know Your Body

Surprisingly, a shocking number of women don’t know their own anatomy! Being in tune with your body gives you the biggest advantage of reaching that big ‘O’ during sex. Not having knowledge on your own lady parts will definitely put a blocker on reaching sexual release with a partner as you will have no idea what kind of touch is going to bring you intense pleasure. After all, how can you ask for it when you don’t even know yourself what you like? When attempting to get to know your body remember that the clitoris plays a key role in building up the tension needed.

Fear of Losing Control

This again applies to those ladies who don’t know their own bodies. If you are finally getting close to reaching that point of orgasm, and you haven’t experienced this before then you don’t know what is to be expected. This causes fear of loosing control and fear of not knowing your own bodies reaction. You are aware of what is about to happen, but you don’t know your response you are afraid of making too much noise, you’re afraid of the feeling of intense pleasure, you are afraid that you might even pee! (btw, this feeling is caused by thrusting against the vaginal walls putting pressure on the bladder. If this is a concern of yours, I suggest going to the toilet prior to sex!). All these fears have been felt by all women at some point in their lifetime. It is completely normal! It is essential not to stress about the feelings you don’t know and rather forget about how you’ll react and simply allow the orgasm to take over and experience the pleasures of sex.

Cultural Backgrounds

Women who are raised in a culture or faith where sex is perceived as something to be ashamed about or something unholy generally have bias views and opinions on sexual interactions as a result of family morals and cultural beliefs. Women who from a young age were taught pessimistic opinions toward nudity, masturbation and sexual interactions, typically grow up viewing sex as a sinful nature of human beings. Only accepting some forms of sex as acceptable. Feeling ashamed of yourself or guilty during sex due to these mindsets of seeing sex as dirty or forbidden will block your body and mind from corresponding with one another. As a result, you won’t be able to reach orgasm and embrace the beautiful nature of sex. Note that sex isn’t something to feel ashamed about. It is something to embrace and accept so you can allow your partner to give you the full benefits.

More Foreplay and Time Within the Sheets

Most of the time you and your partner are overly eager to have sex, so you skip or only have a few minutes of foreplay. Skipping this step can be potentially really damaging to your sex life. As a woman it takes much more time to become stimulated and build up the sexual tension for an orgasm to happen! A study has found that women need around “20 minutes of arousal focusing mainly on the clitoris prior to intercourse to ensure your body is primed for stimulation through penetration” says sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright. It may sound like a long time, but your partner should be willing to put in a few extra minutes for your benefit without problem! If they have a problem with putting in some effort, then they are selfish and don’t care for you or your pleasure.

As important as foreplay is, how the sex happens is also critical to achieving an orgasm and climaxing. Sex isn’t something that should be rushed and over in 5 minutes. It’s a process of getting to know your partner in a deeper and spiritual way. The more sex you have to more you will know your partners body; what they like and what they don’t. Changing positions to many times in one round of sex can also prevent an orgasm from occurring as orgasms are heavily reliant on repetitive thrusts on certain pressure points within the vagina and sensations within the clitoris. A meaningful deep round of sex that ensure pleasure for both parties should be no less than 20 minutes.

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