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Writer's pictureVALUME

Emotional Unavailability



When you are with your partner do you feel like there is always something scarce about the connection you have? Do you feel like you are at arm’s length at all times? Chances are your partner is ‘emotionally unavailable’. This is a behavioural component that usually comes from a bad breakup, traumatic past or uncertainty within their life. Being with someone like this can be extremely challenging. You have both committed to one another, but the relationship is very one-sided; it is almost like walking on eggshells! Someone who is emotionally unavailable generally doesn’t realise that they are. This makes it difficult to pick up on signs and warnings that your relationship will quickly turn sour!!


Emotional Unavailability Warning Sign

- They dismiss conversation about the future or your emotions.

- They are very evasive.

- They cancel plans often with you or their friends.

- They have a long history of failed relationships.

- They are known to not connect with others.

- They like to have control over what you do when you are together.

- They avoid social situations outside of their normal routine.

- They seem cold or distant.

- They never give a clear indication of what you are as a couple.

- They are overly flirty and flattering.

Maybe you read this list and think you are the emotionally unavailable one or maybe you just discovered your partner is. Either way, a person who is emotionally unavailable will struggle to get out of being that way. You can try talking to your partner; don’t be abrupt or accusing as they won’t cooperate. Taking a slow approach with a thought out strategy on how to help them is the way to go. If after your talk, there is no change or maybe they do change but then revert back to their old self then they are not ready for commitment. It would be in the best interest of yourself to leave the relationship.



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